Feeling Guilty For Pursuing Your Passions
This is gonna be a short one. I used to feel really empowered and inspired when I worked on my music or wrote for Sampleface until one day I was questioned about it.
“What’s the point in doing it if other people are doing the same thing?”
For a sensitive soul like me who takes rejection badly - especially when it comes from a family member - that really hurt and I’ve never felt the same since. It’s the classic tale of “if you’ve not got a natural aptitude for it, don’t bother because there are better people out there and you’ll never reach their heights.” It hasn’t stopped me completely but it has contributed to many creative ruts since. Sampleface isn’t nearly as prolific as it was in the first couple of years and my music doesn’t reach the same number of listeners as it did back then. Add anxiety and low self esteem to the mix and you end up with guilt.
I love music - creating, listening, and writing about it. But there’s always something at the back of my mind questioning whether I’m just wasting my time. I don’t need constant validation but because of that nagging voice in my head, it feels like I’m playing songs into a void. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how many people enjoy what I do, I have to enjoy it myself otherwise there is absolutely no point in doing it. And I do. I just feel guilt beforehand and I want that to dissipate.